This resonates hard. I came to understand myself as nonbinary, in my early 30s, through writing fiction. Ever since I was a kid, I'd always wanted to read and write gay boys in love (and be one), more than anything else. I made a zine exploring these origins in 2018, my #1 source is the novel "War Boy" by Kief Hillsbery, which you totally have to read if you haven't already. It's all queer skate punk culture, queer underground dance culture, and ecoterrorism.
A moment in eighth grade when a girl referred to me as "a freaky little skater": no idea how she intended it to be taken, and I have never been on a skateboard in my life, but all I remember is total elation at being seen, as a freak.
I just had to circle back to this to say thank you, from one not-a-skater alternative kid who hated inhabiting her body to another. I’m *mostly* comfortable with myself these days, but a part of me not having kids was definitely due to the alienating experience you describe. There’s just so much gendered bullshit that goes with “being a woman” that I will never relate to. Appreciate your vulnerability 💕
"...ultimately didn’t work for me, partly because it falls into a trap I’m hoping to avoid: dialogue overly-laced with profanity. In smaller doses, I think this works, as it’s a necessary and embarrassing part of being an early teen. However, this and other pushes toward edginess without fully exploring the stakes or characters left me wanting so much more."
in one round of revision, I went back through and deleted almost all instances of swearing from my youth group novel, for this and similar reasons, hoping to leave the handful of exceptions especially meaningful/important!
This resonates hard. I came to understand myself as nonbinary, in my early 30s, through writing fiction. Ever since I was a kid, I'd always wanted to read and write gay boys in love (and be one), more than anything else. I made a zine exploring these origins in 2018, my #1 source is the novel "War Boy" by Kief Hillsbery, which you totally have to read if you haven't already. It's all queer skate punk culture, queer underground dance culture, and ecoterrorism.
A moment in eighth grade when a girl referred to me as "a freaky little skater": no idea how she intended it to be taken, and I have never been on a skateboard in my life, but all I remember is total elation at being seen, as a freak.
thank you so much for reading! glad it resonated, and ty for sharing your story, too! i totally get it <3 <3 ohhh i’m looking that book up now : )
thank you!!!! i always feel nakedly spotlit by your writing on adolescence. so much here that i painfully and beautifully relate to i'm gonna text you
<3 really grateful for your friendship! thank you, brad!
❤️🩹
I just had to circle back to this to say thank you, from one not-a-skater alternative kid who hated inhabiting her body to another. I’m *mostly* comfortable with myself these days, but a part of me not having kids was definitely due to the alienating experience you describe. There’s just so much gendered bullshit that goes with “being a woman” that I will never relate to. Appreciate your vulnerability 💕
thank YOU—for reading, and for sharing this, which is also super vulnerable. it means a ton <3
"...ultimately didn’t work for me, partly because it falls into a trap I’m hoping to avoid: dialogue overly-laced with profanity. In smaller doses, I think this works, as it’s a necessary and embarrassing part of being an early teen. However, this and other pushes toward edginess without fully exploring the stakes or characters left me wanting so much more."
in one round of revision, I went back through and deleted almost all instances of swearing from my youth group novel, for this and similar reasons, hoping to leave the handful of exceptions especially meaningful/important!
"There is a line in the HAD thing about the teenage boys I picture doing this—“sometimes I imagine them falling in love”—and my novel is that story."
OMG, want to read!!